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New Things, Old Trauma...

[Ranger] We hit a really low point in January. We considered seeking partial hospitalization. However, after talking to Gray's brother we hung on for just a bit longer. It payed off in the long run, but January was still rough. Our depression was possibly the worst it has ever been- back to laying in bed most of the day and doing nothing. We finally achieved a theraputic dose that started to help us. We have been increasing the dose of our new medication for months. Our depression eased a bit, which was good timing given that February was dedicated to packing for the move We felt better in general. I was less sour, more social, and did some art stuff. Gray is feeling better too. While we spend a lot of time in bed, we do actually do things. Well, at least before Dream took over for awhile lol From a trauma work perspective, things have been wild and messy lately. Dream hit a snag first. Things got complicated relating to his Architect clone, and some unde
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Oh wow it's new years

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[Ranger] A lot didn't happen, and most of what did happen wasn't great. We turned ourselves in to the mental hospital during the summer. Gray and I split and quickly reintegrated on two separate occasions Gray has a shard that has hung out for the last what... month at this point? We rotted for the last few months, taking a toll on Gray the most I developed a sour attitude towards cocreation (tulpamancy) I don't completely understand. My suspicion is feeling depressed I can't make progress. We had some cool dreams... that we didn't write down :( Our system holding together... somehow , really is a gift. But it's not necessarily system instability that is the problem. It's the depression, and it left a nastier mark than it had in a long time. There are some bright sides though. Blue and Ryan integrated into Jared/Jerry I did get a lot of time to heal. I got a big slice of the therapy work pie. Additionally, the big chaos in my l
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2 Steps forward, 3 steps back.

[ Ranger ] We unfortunately lost progress. Gray isn't doing as well as he was, and we haven't completely bounced back yet. While I'm doing okay, I'm finding I'm losing steam myself. It's been fairly quiet for our system. While I did finish a picture for Dream, our headmates haven't come out to play as much. Our brain is blocked up. Gray has some new ideas for a creativity guide, but he's not super motivated to push it out yet. I think it's all reversible, we just need more time. Our plans keep changing and we don't know what's happening anymore. The one thing that's consistent is we are still doing therapy work as fast as possible.
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Things Slowed a Bit

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[ Ranger ] Things have slowed down since the last entry. While Gray and I are consistently productive, we are also spending quite a bit of time in bed. I made some important therapy progress recently. I need to understand that I won't heal quickly, and it will take time before I get back to the swing of things. The struggle is learning how to be patient, but so far I think things are working out. Meanwhile we finally figured out from our job help place that we're pretty much job ready. I wish they told us three months ago. 😒 The focus lately has been working on coding projects to add to our resume. Adriel stabilized! He's doing a lot better now. Blue switched in again! He wanted the opportunity and it was a good time. He had a good time and like last time stayed switched-in for a few hours. He did get tired, but it's unclear if it was because of exhaustion, he was just done for the day, or both. Blue went on a bit of a doddle streak, and he added Adriel to
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A Long Awaited Inflection Point

[ Gray ] Yesterday, I finally hit a point during my therapy work where I did a big chunk of healing. I believe this in addition to a big chunk Ranger did not too long ago, we managed to make enough progress to start doing more stuff in the mind in general. Last night I was actually overstimulated and surprised by my stronger creativity skills, but that could have been the boatload of sugar contributing too. At the very least, things seemed to have improved overall. System Stuff This afternoon, I played in a sand box with Dream. He wanted to keep things simple and simple it was. I daydreamed quite a bit, my mind floating to stuff like Mark Rober's video about sand, but I was able to achieve the normal wonderland-focus feel. Things started off a bit shaky because I had some trouble focusing on the visualization warm-up. Once I changed the color to green, I made some progress. Dream encouraged me to do one detail at a time, although this may have been overly cautious on his part.
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Oh wow, updates

System Stuff [ Ranger ] One thing that we're becoming more conscious of over time is the fact our headmates should get more time with us than just therapy interactions. Some time ago, we realized this and Dream seemed to do better. It's likely obvious to outsiders, but in the midst of our mental health struggles we need to make this fact more explicit to ourselves. A couple days ago, Ian pointed out that I hanging out with them after a therapy interaction is like a reward. It wasn't my intentions, but dang he's right. I wondered if I can use a random number generator just to check in with people or remember to briefly check in with people at random... like right now, or well, two days ago when I wrote this part of the post. Earlier today I felt okay enough I spent some time with Ian and I cuddled with him ^^ Speaking of the others, I spoke with Adriel a couple nights ago and checked in with him again last night. He seems to be feeling more stable, but he's still try
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Reading PRs Idea

[ Ranger ] I was talking to Rob in the cBox and I mentioned my issue with PRs. I made an entire thread about this before , but it still didn't get resolved after that. I told him that I would read them wrong by wanting to make a 2 hour response post 10 pages in, and he pointed out I'm supposed to read the whole PR then make the 2 hour response post. I then wondered if I should take notes while reading PRs so I don't have to worry about forgetting things I want to talk about The notes can be as simple and straightforward as this: parrotnoia issues with possession communication issues wants to switch I can just cross off anything that gets resolved. And then when I'm done, follow Rob's advice and make the long response post then Why am I making a post about this? I figure that for those who also happen to have my problem, this might help them. I know this is a PR post on my blog, but I can hand out the link to people whenever I need to. Tulpamancy progress? No, but w
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