PR Entry
[Ranger] Some more thoughts on my mind...
I had an older version of this progress report, but the last post in particular was a mess and the first few posts were embarrassing. Most of the old stuff was just talking about our anxieties and the one time I tried to feed the neighbor's cat. The last entry was a time line about our other headmates, but it was more for Cat than for the internet. Since Cat's last experience with Bune is bothering me, I may as well get that off my chest. I will also talk about some details related to that first post and more about when I tried to feed the neighbor's cat. Actually, you can read about me trying to feed the neighbor's cat here.
System Stuff
I don’t feel like talking about what caused Cat’s anxiety to stir in the first place. I don’t think now is the best time to talk about it in detail, plus Cat may be better off explaining it herself.
Warning: there isn’t any violence or NSFW stuff, but this exchange is unsettling enough to bother me. The story is hidden, so if you don’t want to read it just skip to the next thing.
Some quick context: Cat visualizes her anxiety as “dark thought water”, so it’s like heavier and stickier water with black ink in it.
At this point last night, Cat figured out that her fears were anxiety driven, and nothing else. She was a little uncomfortable with that conclusion, so she wanted to talk to Bune to try and remember something (since talking to the others is a way for Cat to scoop out what’s sitting around in her subconscious).
The newly created room was pitch black and bare. Bune was there, his back was turned. When Cat confronted him, his eyes swelled with darkness.
He warned Cat that her anxiety was at “high tide” and it wasn’t a good idea to talk to him. He explained that staying to chat would only “feed it” and put Cat in a worse position. The visualizations weren’t pleasing, streaks of dark thought water drained in the form of tears.
Cat didn’t feel to comfortable with leaving him alone, but Bune said that he would be happy if Cat left him and came back later. This convinced Cat to leave Bune and her subconscious be, and that night she didn’t take too long to go to sleep. Even though Cat awoke too early this morning due to insomnia, she was in a much better mood and the anxiety “wave” was gone.
When I first committed to using the progress logs, Cat and I hit a snag. Cat was struggling with the peak of this year’s anxiety thus far and neither of us were used to me being a Tulpa. I was thinking about someone else’s progress log where their Tulpa hid away for a long time until their Host was ready for them again. I felt at the time it was for the best I followed their footsteps, and I left a good bye note as my first progress report post.
What a terrible mistake it was. Immediately the next morning, Cat was struggling to go about her day without me. She kept thinking about me and eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped hiding from her and both of us reunited.
From then on, we decided that we needed to stick together, even if things are tough. So far, I think we’re doing okay. We came a really long way since April.
Published 3/20/23
Changed how we address our headmates
Added explanation for post link about feeding the neighbor's cat
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